Getting out of the dark hole of drug addiction
By: Joan Rubio (Spain)
After a period of domestic violence and cocaine abuse, I overdosed after 10 years of psychological famine. Suffering was my normal state, and fear was the norm!
Being at home was terribly lonely. Once through the door, it was better to put on the anti-word vest, as it only retained the soft memory of the premature beginnings of fleeting feelings. All I had was the singular vivid image within my mind to quench that thirst of feeling misunderstood. Suddenly, you become a zombie on automatic pilot. As the days go by, you fall again into the well without water: a reality worn out as a secondary actor feeling like a foreigner in your own home.
Exhausted from surviving, lying in a car, with a huge cocaine rush, while I burned my finger on the end of a cigarette, I realized that life is a gift. The most difficult test was not getting out of the car and saying “now I’m starting,” but assessing what I already had that I did not value. Realizing that propelled me to hit rock bottom, allowing myself to fully re-emerge. A week later I took all the money out of my account and hit rock bottom.
In those days I slept 8 hours a week and if I ate once a day, it was a stroke of luck. One day at the house of my partner in crime, I came across a good book called “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman. The truth was that it was super technical, but what little I understood prompted me to go to university to earn a Master’s degree in emotional intelligence where the subject of my studies was myself. I became aware of the mess of internal emotional wiring. I learned to manage emotions to jumpstart my new life from an amazing awakening that I call “psychological click.”
On my journey I also relied on various people: a personal coach in motivational development, a political coach in emotional development, and a clinical psychologist for medication and the follow up of my illness. There was also a technique that really helped motivate me in moments of apathy: it’s from Mel Robbins and it’s about counting 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and jumping into action. You repeat this technique over and over again until it becomes a habit and you come out of the tunnel to see the light.
By jumping high it is possible to get out of the dark hole of drug addiction. If you don’t do it for you, time will do it for you, as the brain gets tired of stagnation and you enter into an inner dialogue where you wonder if you want this forever. Consequently, that is the first step: it is the misfortune that will set you free.
It’s due to the work I’ve done on myself that I am currently writing a book on positive negative (free yourself from suffering intelligently) and I live a life of holographic growth.