I conquered depression and so can you
By: Matt G. Morris (U.S.A.)
I was a broken, depressed kid. My mother died from a plane crash, and I spent a month in a coma. My once normal, happy life transformed into a walking nightmare in the blink of an eye. I felt inadequate, unloved, and useless.
My mother’s death brought albatross-like obstacles before me. To top things off, I became a walking bully magnet. The burdens of the world dangled on my shoulders.
I wanted to break free from the chains that held me captive, a prisoner of my mind. I wanted to lead a normal life and tap into the best version of myself, instead of feeling extremely low all the time.
…But I had become a master of self-sabotage.
I was navigating the world without a mother’s warmth and affection. My inability to connect with others stuck out like a sore thumb. I couldn’t tap into who I wanted to become because my mind wouldn’t let me.
To make things worse, I felt like an empty shell, a buried cocoon waiting to be liberated. But I didn’t have the mental vigor to unleash my potential.
I was wasting away…
I felt like kicking the bucket.
I begged to die…
It seemed the world was against me. Kids preyed on me. I was an easy target for bullies because I walked with a limp from a back injury from the plane crash, and my acne spiraled out of control.
I was stuck in the past. My mind was stuck. I was in a place of no escape, which heightened my desire to exit this world.
Then, as if by chance, something amazing happened… My grandmother gave me a book called “7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens” written by Sean Covey. This book helped me to see that I could pilot my own life.
I could choose proactivity, rather than allow myself to be tossed and thrown about by emotions.
I could step into my own happiness.
My salvation wouldn’t come from others. I needed to make a conscious decision to change. I needed to, as it were, take baby steps to deal with the monster of depression. I needed to actively work on my mental health. As a result, I started doing the things I feared the most. The things that sent chills throughout my body. The things that made me feel spineless. To get strong, I needed to bury my fears, the same way they buried me. After I did that, I started experiencing leaps in my confidence level.
Suddenly, my self-esteem blew through the roof. The cocoon I was buried in started to split open. That’s when I realized that I had what I needed to deal with depression and navigate the burdensome thoughts that dangled on my shoulders. I could CHOOSE to allow my depression to CONTROL and DEFINE who I was. Or I could grab the bull by the horn and go to work on myself.
As I said before, it was painful to connect with others. It felt like pounding nails into my flesh. I was afraid of saying the wrong things and because I saw myself as a speck of dust, that held me back.
That needed to change, so I started meeting women with my father. We read so many books to improve our skills and, eventually, we started striking up conversations with total strangers.
Don’t get me wrong, it felt awkward at first, but the more we did it, the better we got.
Sadly, my father didn’t endure… After so much effort, he allowed depression to win. He chose to forfeit the fight and dull his pain through opioid use. His battle with depression ended, but he lost the war.
This was a slap to the face, but it got me thinking hard about life, my life.
The words my father left behind brought me some measure of comfort. He told me that what I focus on grows.
So what did I do? I started focusing on myself. The mirror became my trusted companion. Each day I assured the person staring at me that he was good enough. He was loved.
Today my dance with depression is far from over. But at every step of the way, I’m the choreographer.
I’m in control… I conquered depression and made it my life’s work to become a beacon to others with similar mental health issues. The Mental Health Healing Man was created to break the silence.
You don’t have to tackle this world alone. You don’t have to bury your self-esteem and dreams the way I did. And you definitely don’t have to suffer in silence. Let’s start your journey to becoming a mental health warrior. You can be victorious. You can conquer depression.
My name is Matt Morris and I’m the Mental Health Healing Man.