I lost my son but I never lost faith
By: Betty Paredes (Mexico)
In 2016 I experienced the greatest pain I had ever experienced when I lost my son, Ethan. A long-awaited baby because my husband and I had been married for 5 years and we had not been able to get pregnant. I still remember that my husband suffered when he saw me cry every month when my period came, that is why Ethan was already the most loved baby in the universe . 12 weeks of high risk pregnancy and I living in fear, I prayed every day and one of those days that fear materialized in a miscarriage, Ethan’s heart had stopped beating. I felt a deep pain, something inside me had been broken, a part of me had disappeared, hope had been lost and I did not feel like anything, neither eating nor moving, I was in a deep DEPRESSION. 4 years ago I was already working with complementary and energy therapies such as Reiki and meditation, among others. I knew that I had to live my grief and the therapies helped me but it was as if my body asked me for something more. A friend told me about Bach flowers, and as I knew of them, I started taking them. They are physical therapy as I call them. My awareness today is that our body requires not only energetic but also physical therapies. Father God and time effectively led me to heal my being, to love Ethan unconditionally for choosing me as his mother even if he was only with me for a few months. I began to feel much more peace, harmony. My husband and I chose to go on vacation and on the weekend we enjoyed being in nature and visiting new places. I relied a lot on meditation and in fact it was about a year after Ethan’s departure that I chose to take a workshop called transcendental meditation which consisted of nine meditations. At the end there was a retreat to take, which I did. A week later I woke up remembering a dream where a child ran among the trees of the forest and laughing he asked, is this unconditional love?
I knew that I was pregnant again. There was no way to confirm it because of the time that had elapsed I had to wait approximately 1 month, but I knew that I was pregnant. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my eyes and perceived something different in them, a different glow. In a meditation my angel told me “you are pregnant, do not worry, everything will be fine.” Near the time when I could take a test, I dreamed of the Virgin Mary and she told me, “you are pregnant, go take a test, it will come out positive.” I knew that it would be so and I did. That morning around 7am I went to buy the pregnancy test and when I took it it came out positive. My heart was filled with deep joy. Today Ivan, my second baby, is going to be 3 years old. He is the most loved and awaited baby in the universe.