Only YOU can end a toxic relationship
It all started as the most beautiful love story you can imagine. At the age of 29 I fell in love for the first time, and who would have thought that after almost 10 years what began as an idyllic story turned into something dark from which I desperately needed to flee, to find myself again.
I never believed in love until he showed up. During the wonderful first year, there were red flags that I did not know how to see, because I believed that it was love (NOTE: Love is Love. Any situation that causes pain, no matter how small, stops being Love). At first I justified his verbal attacks, aggressiveness, insults, neglect, possession, toxicity and jealousy, with a “he is having a bad time, that’s why he is like that with me,” though I reached a point when I would walk alongside him on the street looking down in order to avoid him attacking me.
After 9 years in the relationship, my father passed away, and four months later, I woke up crying, and he said, “Are you still crying for your Father?” That insensitive and unpleasant comment made the blindfold I was apparently wearing come off. And after four more months I managed to get out of the hole in which little by little I had been getting into over the years. It is not about looking for someone to blame, it is about being attentive to the signs that life gives you, and LOVING YOURSELF above all else. Understanding that only YOU can turn off your light, that the people who LOVE YOU do not yell at you, or humiliate you, or insult you. That LOVE is about uplifting each other, and in the moment that your partner is bringing you down, you have to flee, which is an action of BRAVERY.
Make your needs be known, stand firm and above all refuse to lose the essence that one day made him / her fall in love with you. The decision is up to YOU. Only YOU can wake up, as no one will do it for you. Only YOU can end a toxic relationship. Three years after my breakup, I have fallen in love again, with MYSELF. And most importantly, I learned to trust in MY INSTINCT because it captures the small signals that at first you do not consider important, but that over the years turn into tears of pain. Passion diminishes with the years, but it does not destroy. Love enriches your body, heart and mind, and your partner will remain with you until life ends naturally. NOBODY CHANGES, we can improve, but not change.
For almost ten years I tried to make him understand that his way of treating me was not correct, and I always thought that he would change, because he agreed with me, argument after argument, but his “change” lasted two weeks. Only YOU can change that situation, end it and say goodbye. Learn to value your loneliness, because only in it will you know yourself and love yourself above all else. Your instinct is NEVER WRONG. Listen to the signs that life offers you, and refuse to change for anyone. Second chances are meant for other things, not in situations where your happiness has been damaged, because NOBODY CHANGES.
Be Happy, Love yourself … and then there will come LOVE.