Struggling to conceive despite PCOS
By Annibel Tejada (U.S.A.)
TK and I were trying to conceive for 2 years. I never thought of having kids until I met him. I remember our first conversation about this topic; we were at a club and he asked me to move in with him. I jokingly said, “and have 3 kids?” He responded, “sure we can have 3.”
After trying to conceive for 16 months with no success, I decided to visit an endocrinologist and OBGYN. Multiple blood work tests and physical exams confirmed that I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and at that time high prolactin levels. As they explained what the diagnosis was, I couldn’t really focus. On the train back home, I was on my iPhone searching anything that would come to mind because during the doctors’ appointments I couldn’t ask any questions.
On the train back home, I went on a Google search about PCOS. I realized how Google can be a blessing and a curse. Most of the answers were negative. This time in my life was painful. Friends and family were having babies. While I was happy for them, I was experiencing anxiety, fear, uncertainty and shame. Many people were asking when TK and I would have a baby. Those comments were hurtful. I knew I could not drown in this pain. I decided to join a group online of women going through infertility due to PCOS. For the first time I felt hopeful.
Whenever a month would pass and the pregnancy test was negative, I would feel anxious or trigger about not getting pregnant. During those times I would internalize this medical disorder. “Am I not enough?” “Why does my body keep letting me down?” As I was working with my doctors to regulate my menstrual cycle, I started exercising, practicing yoga 5x a week, drinking more water and eating healthier. I started meditating and journaling. Infertility was a driving force to become a better person inside out for my future kids. I developed courage, resilience and assertiveness skills that I didn’t know I had.
Changing my eating habits and taking the supplements that my body was lacking was all I needed to regulate my period. Even after these changes the pregnancy tests were still negative each month. After trying to conceive for this long, I was excited and nervous to be seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). While we decided to seek professional help, I became intentional about my mental health. Journaling, meditating, eating healthy, practicing yoga/exercising felt delicious in my body and mind but for some reason something else was missing. This is where I learned about affirmations/intentions. During the fertility treatment cycles, I created a new affirmation, “I am where I’m supposed to be, and I got this.”
My self-care practice/habits and tribe prepared my mind and body to conceive.
This journey taught me the beauty of duality. I experienced joy and pain, vulnerability and resiliency, courage and fear. At the end, I experienced the blessing of having GGG triplets.